IDB

Chat: Do a video with Emma Blackery!
Dan: ....probably not.

Chat: Do you know Emma Blackery?
Dan: Of course I do! I met her once, at the creator space in London and she was really nice, with a fantastically bright hair colour like Hayley Williams.

In fact, it’s this moment we begin to talk about some of her outbursts on Twitter, which she believes has done damage to many of her relationships within the YouTube community. “Speaking my mind is easy. Dealing with the consequences is the difficult part,” Emma states.

One example of this, is how things went down with Dan Howell. “He was one of the first YouTubers I watched, and naturally I really looked up to him,” says Emma. “I had this silly idea that one day I would collab with him, and as I was getting bigger and bigger, I kept messaging him and he never replied.”

This led to Emma becoming resentful and eventually badmouthing him on social media. “I was hurt,” she says, “but I know now that it all came from a rather silly and somewhat selfish place.”

However, that wasn’t the end of it. The pair crossed paths when Emma had the opportunity to interview Placebo – her favourite band – and she admits feeling a whirlwind of emotions. “I felt nervous, angry and excited all at once,” she says, “but overall I felt embarrassed for the things I said online. I went over and apologised profusely, and then my inner fangirl kicked in and I, sort of, cornered him into following me on Twitter.”

There was a moment in particular that helped her to see how she sometimes comes across on social media. When Dan eventually unfollowed her, he DM’ed her explaining that he had no hard feelings but would prefer to avoid seeing drama on his Twitter feed. “I get it. I sometimes feel that way too, and in the past I haven’t been able to stop myself getting involved,” says Emma.

“I still really respect Dan. He was a massive influence on my channel,” she says. “It’s only now that I realised how irritating I’ve been along the way. I acted out of hurt when he did nothing intentionally.”

Emma hopes that one day he may look past how she acted, but also gets why he – and others – may want to keep her at arm’s length. “ I don’t know if I’ll ever have the opportunity to make it right, but all I care about is for him to know I’m sorry,” she reflects.

"I used to laugh along with a friend who was really nasty to Dan and Phil. I used to think it was fun to sort of show tweets of support to that and, and feed off that drama, that's what I used to do, I used to be like that. And looking at it now I'm not even that person now, it's weird that that's me I don't, I don't think in those negative ways anymore."

Shane: I love your shady comments. You have so much drama with people all the time.
Emma: Shit. Not anymore! I've got better.
Shane: So who have you had beef with?
Emma: This is the thing, I don't like saying because every time I even say their names, their massive group of fans-- massive group of fans-- of these two Youtubers--
Shane: Ohhh-- OHHH!
Emma: They hate me, they don't like me, their fans. At all.
Shane: Ok, I won't say their names.

Emma: Some of them do. It's a vocal minority that really don't like me. I was a massive fangirl of these two Youtubers who were very big in the UK, a massive fangirl back in 2012-13. They're one of the reasons that I started, I think they're great people. Um. But I was very over-the-top with my fangirliness; I had the shirts, I'd make all the references, I was basically cringe-worthy. It was cringetastic. And I really wanted to be friends with them, and I was trying to talk to them, I'd email them to collab, I had like 10K subscribers, right. I was very naive and stuff, and like obviously they would get so many emails, they didn't reply or anything. But I took it personally, and this was years ago. I took it personally, like "Wow, they're shading me. They don't like me." And I was friends with someone who-- uhh... was... friends with them a long time ago who they now hate so then lots of drama started with that. And ever since--

Shane: Have you ever--

Emma: I've met them and like whenever we hang out, well not hang out, but you know, whenever we meet each other in the corridors at Vidcon or something, everything is civil. Everything's fine. Like I don't know how they personally feel about me, I just know that a lot of their fans remember the stuff I used to do years ago, which I don't do anymore, and they still see me as that person. And that's something I'm going to have for the rest of my YT career, people are going to be like 'Oh yeah, we don't talk about her, she's horrible.'

Shane: Interesting.
Emma: Yeah. It sucks.
Shane: Well. Welcome to my life.

"I like to think I've got better."

"I don't like when youtubers plug it as if to say like, you know - 'you must buy this book because there's stuff in here you've never seen.' ... That kind of blackmail like, you know... 'What really happened on this holiday' or 'How I really feel about this stuff', and if you haven't got that book you feel like less of a fan and that bugs me. If you've got something to say about yourself - put it in a fucking video, alright?"

"I became a meme. Oh I am not kidding. I was asked to do a photo shoot for an event that I'm hosting and I was told to stand by these giant metal letters that spelt the word YES. And I was like, 'Nothing can go wrong with this, this is... this is a great idea'. That photo makes it online, you guys take it deep into your hearts, and truly shit it back out. Thank you."